


Did Someone Say /Fuck/ the Pizza Guy?

by FlyMeToTheMoon



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: AU -ish, Friendship, No Sex, No Smut, Other, Pizza, also tw for threats bc one is made fyi, ghouls night in, implied papyton, probaby a bit ooc bc they say fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 12:32:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5205998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyMeToTheMoon/pseuds/FlyMeToTheMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mettaton, Napstablook (Napstabot), and Shyren have a Ghoul's Night In slumber party, and decide to order pizza so MTT can ask the cute pizza delivery guy on a date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Did Someone Say /Fuck/ the Pizza Guy?

     "SO, Blooky, who do you have a crush on?" Mettaton teased as he painted the ghost-bot's nails Spooky Bloo #2.

     "O- oh.. I don't know," the little bot replied, eyes dimming.

     "What about that cute spider with all the sweets?" Shyren chirped in while brushing Mettaton's hair into a small pony tail. "You're both so fancy!"

     "Ooh, Muffet IS super cute," Mettaton added while fanning their hand. "(Darling, these nails are fucking gorgeous!)"

     "(They are...) And nah... probably not... I don't think I really like anyone that way..." Napstablook replied, examining their hand.

     "Fair enough, what about you, Shy?" Mettaton nudged her with his leg.

     Shyren perked up with a squeak. "...It's a secret!"

     "You can tell us... if you want to..." Napstablook replied.

     "Yes, of course, Shy! We can keep a secret!" Mettaton added.

     "Oh, ummmmmm..." Shyren started geting very shy and let her hair fall in front of her face.

     "Pretty pleaseeee?" Mettaton begged.

     "Ahh...." Shyren started vibrating.

     "Oh.. Oh, M, let's not pressure her. You don't have to tell us, Shyren." Blooky interjected.

     "Hmm, yeah, it's okay, Shy, don't worry." Mettaton joined.

     "Oh, thanks, guys." Shyren added quietly and went to brush Napstablook's hair next.

     The three continued their Ghoul's Night In with Mettaton eagerly waiting for them to ask him who his crush was. He finished Napstablook's nails and watched as they began braiding Shyren's hair. Out of the line, he impatienly laid on his belly on the floor next to them and tapped his nails out of time with the spooktunes they were listening to. Weren't they going to ask him next at all?? They already finished their makeovers, and now was definitely time for his plan to unfold. If only they asked him! He began twirling the bangs that wouldn't stay in his pony tail and watched them.

     Once Napstablook and Shyren finished doing their hair, they turned and noticed Mettaton's intent face.

     "Well, for fuck's sake, aren't you going to ask me, too??" Mettaton finally asked.

     "Oh! ... Who _DO_ you have a crush on, Mettaton?" Shyren asked.

     Face lighting up, Mettaton rolled on his back, stuck a leg in the air and pulled out his cell phone. "WELL!..." he began with a flirty smile, "WELL, WELL,  _WELL_. Wouldn't you rather see him than have me bore you with the details?? He is QUITE a hunk, if I do say so myself!!"

     "...Sure... do you have a picture?" Napstablook asked.

     "Oh, no, dear, I was thinking to ask him to come say hi! He's much more attractive in the flesh... (or lack thereof.)" Mettaton stuck his tongue out.

     "You mean, you're already friends? Oh, how exciting!" Shyren piped in.

     "Well, not _exactly_. Not yet, at least! You see, darling, he delivers pizzas around here, and I haven't worked up the courage to ask him on a date yet, but with you both supporting me, I'd like to order us a pizza and also ask him out!" Mettaton waved his leg in the air as he spoke.

     "That... sounds exciting!" Napstablook agreed.

     "We've got your back!" Shyren added, "But no anchovies on the pizza, they're practically my cousins." Shyren frowned.

     "WONDERFUL! I knew I could count on you!" Mettaton jumped up and dialed the number while he strutted back and forth. "Hello!... Yes, I would like to order a spooky pasta pizza, with temmie flakes on the side, please!... Yes, that's the address... Also, if I may be so bold, I would like to request that you send that really cute delivery boy, I think you know which one, he's quite thin and bony and... Right! I have something important I would like to ask him when he gets here... Yes, thank you!" Mettaton began vibrating in excitement.

     "You're doing it, Mettaton!" Shyren sang out, hugging him.

     "He must be really fucking cute for them to know who you meant right away," Napstablook added.

     "He _IS_ , darling, just you wait and see. Now, I'd like you both to double check my appearance, I must be ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL so he can't refuse!"

~~~~

     A few minutes before the estimated arrival of the pizza...

     "Oh, dear I'm getting a bit nervous, are you sure I look fine?" Mettaton asked, pacing and smoothing out his shirt. "What if he says no? What if he just laughs at me??"

     "You look fine! Totally sexy!" Shyren added.

     "Yeah... if he's a jerk about it, then fuck the pizza guy!" Napstablook boldly joined in.

     "You're right... I can do this." Mettaton took a deep breath and sat down again.

     On cue, there was a knock on the door.

     "HE'S HERE!" Mettaton loudly whispered and jumped up.

     He hopped to the door while Napstablook and Shyren lingered in the backround. Striking a sexy pose against the doorframe, Mettaton swung the door open.

     "Uh.. hi... did someone say ' _fuck_ ' the pizza guy?" the person in the doorway said with a shaky grin.

     Mettaton's face dropped. Standing in the doorway was not the tall dark and handsome skeleton that Mettaton expected, but instead, there was the lankiest and sweatiest pizza employee in all the underground, "Burgerpants," who was currently perspiring so much that a few drops slid off his oily face onto the pizza box he was holding.

     Shyren and Napstablook burst out laughing in the backround.

     "They said a very flirty customer called asking for me, so I came here as fast as I could, since that never happens, so can I come in?" The greasy cat stuttered out while he wiggled his eyebrows.

     Mettaton regained his composure and used his sexiest voice, "WELL, you certainly are a hero, aren't you? Coming all the way out here and fulfilling everyone's deepest desires..." Mettaton pouted and poked a finger on his own cheek, continuing with, "But as you can see I already have company over... Maybe instead..." Mettaton slowly slid his fingers over the cardboard box, "you could leave us with a parting gift?" He leaned in and whispered so the others wouldn't hear, "and if you ever come back here asking to fuck, I will whip out my chainsaw and _fuck_ you with it."

     "Um! Y-yes, of course, here you go! Your p-p-pizza and side just like you ordered! Aha... Ha-ha-ha-have a n-n-nice day!" the slimy cat slid away and tripped.

     "Wow, Mettaton. Flirting your way through to a free pizza! I'm impressed," Napstablook said, grabbing a slice.

     "It's just one of my many talents," he replied while posing beautifully.

     "So I guess that wasn't your real crush then?" Shyren asked.

     Mettaton sighed, "No, it wasn't. I suppose I should be direct and ask for him by name next time."

     "Maybe we should order another pizza," Napstablook added.

     They all laughed at the silly idea and finished their food, followed by the traditional lying on the floor feeling like garbage afterward. But the good kind of garbage, because they had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> ((Also posted to tumblr: http://mettatonexox.tumblr.com/post/133164595808/did-someone-say-fuck-the-pizza-guy ))


End file.
